FML is an acronym for "fuck my life." Most of you know this. What most of you assholes
don't know, is how to use it properly. Here's the thing: If you're in a bind, and you're tight on money because you've over-extended yourself, that's a FWP (first world problem), NOT a FML. "The battery on my phone died, and now I won't be home all weekend" is NOT a FML moment. it's a FWP moment.
maybe a WTF (what the fuck) moment. If your charger is fucked up, or the electric went out, you could even, in certain circumstances, use my own adaptation, WTFF (What the fucking fuck). That would be acceptable, but not FML. Your life isn't fucked because you've been slightly inconvenienced, it's just an inconvenience. At that, it's one that an innumerable amount of people worldwide would give their right arm for.
So stop it.
Just.
Fucking.
Stop.
The drama is unnecessary. The acronym is so overused and so full of bullshit that it almost instantly triggers my bitchslap reflex. So, here's a handy guide for all you drama queens:
- FWP (First World Problem)
- Your paycheck has been delayed.
- Your mom won't let you go play with your friend because your friend is a troublemaker.
- You have a curfew.
- Your car won't start.
- You don't like Facebook's Timeline format.
None of the aforementioned scenarios warrant a "fuck my life." Seriously, call the fucking waaaaahhhhmbulance, okay. Enough is enough. Wait for the fucking check, suck it up and listen to your mom before you make her a grandmom, be in when you're supposed to be in, get yourself a Chilton manual and figure out what's wrong with your car (you can even find that shit on Google, for fuck's sake), and if you're so self absorbed that you actually see Facebook's timeline more than your news feed, you've got bigger problems. Stop sniveling about stupid shit. These are all first world problems, and none of them are worthy of you giving up on life, now knock it the fuck off! While some of the above situations might be worthy of an "OMG" or even a "WTF," they are not fucking life altering. Get a grip.
For contrast, here are a few actual "FML" moments:
- You're heart transplant has been cancelled.
- The fucking Holocaust.
- Slavery.
- Apartheid.
- Monkeys are flying out your ass at record speeds, and you are out of bananas.
Do you see the difference? All the above situations are life altering, some even life ending. these are not first world problems, these are
definitely "OMG, WTF, FML: moments. So please, for the love of humanity, and your own self-respect, PLEASE fucking think, okay? Here's a cheat sheet:
- For FML
- Is this going to seriously hamper your life for the foreseeable future?
- Are you about to die?
- Are you in imminent danger of dying?
- Are you Japanese, and is it August of 1945?
- Are you on a slow boat from Africa to something those white guys keep calling "The New World?"
If the answer to all of these, and any comparable situation is "no." Please, for fuck's sake, DON'T use "FML." It isn't fucking appropriate. The world doesn't revolve around your ability to get reception on your iPhone, so fuck off.
