Homosexuality is Evidence for Fucking Evolution.

That got your attention, huh?

Here's the thing: Homosexuality actually is necessary from an evolutionary perspective.

How, you ask?

Survival of the species.

From a perfectly natural, scientific stand point, the FACT (yes, I'm using that word on purpose) that some people (and even some animals) are born gay is a matter of genetics, and biological imperative. It really is that simple, and there isn't a fucking thing wrong with it. Pun completely intended.

I know there will be people that blink angrily at the very notion that as a straight man, I'm talking about homosexuality, but hear me out. I'm not claiming to know what it's like to be a gay man or a lesbian in today's bigoted society, and I'm not claiming to know firsthand of the atrocities and prejudices they all face. In fact, I acknowledge the opposite. I'm speaking from a scientific and evolutionary angle.

So here's the thing: A great many Christians like to point out what they perceive as a fact that homosexuality disproves evolution because it dead ends survival of the species. (Cue obnoxious game show buzzer sound).

Wrong.

In reality, it actually proves survival of the species. Homosexuality is the most natural form of population control there is. Overcrowding will choke out the species - any species. It's that simple. I know, Christians, I know... "If evolution makes people gay, why isn't everybody a fag, then, huh Mr. Smartypants!?"

Simmer the fuck down.

I didn't say evolution makes people gay, I said homosexuality is a result of evolution and biological imperative. Survival of the species does demand that animals reproduce, but that isn't the only thing necessary for survival. Food, water, shelter, and space are also all necessary. This is why some of the population is born homosexual, and some are born heterosexual. Evolution is a series of genetic variants. if it weren't for these variants, we'd all still be one-celled organisms.

Make no mistake: Survival of the fittest, and survival of the species are two different (yet obviously linked) things. One, survival of the species, is the idea that from the point of biological imperative, members of a given species will act in such a way as to ensure the survival of the entire group. This is evidence that morality and altruism are in fact byproducts of evolution, and we don't need a magical tome to tell us what to do and not to. The other, survival of the fittest, is a matter of natural selection as well as an explanation of who eats who and why. This is the one with which Christians like to try to disprove evolution.

The ultimate point here, and one that science has backed up, is that it really doesn't matter who you as an individual fuck. What matters is that enough of the population of a given species fucks in such a way as to keep the species going. The laws of nature are not bigoted, and as a result, everyone is given an equal opportunity to fuck whomever they wish, it's just that some of that fucking will not result in progeny. It really is just a matter of evolution and survival of the species.

More Questions Than Answers.

Will someone PLEASE explain this to me? Please?
I ask for reasons, and this is what I get:

I believe in an intelligent designer through evidence; believe this designer is revealed in the Bible for many profound reasons. However a skeptical mind will never accept the Bible but taking that view would also make them a poor scientist; one not to be trusted! I believe in God for many reasons. Some... I believe there is proof of God in his creation, I believe there is proof of God from the Bible because of prophecies foretold; which have come  to pass; the way it is written is definitely not from the mind of man. To believe the latter takes reading & study; but a closed skeptical mind will never find truth.

 The perpetrator of this astonishingly myopic tripe also purports there is "scientific proof of a biblical god."

Where? I want to see it. If you have such proof, isn't it your duty as a christian to come forth and share it? Are you telling me that you have evidence that will change the world as we know it, but you're not willing to share it? And you're going to call me selfish and arrogant? Really?!

 If you want to believe in god, go ahead. I can't stop you. You have a right to believe what you wish. If you are a practicing scientist (this person is), and you deny scientific fact, you are in the wrong field, and you are turning back the clock on humanity's progress... unless, of course you have scientific evidence of god, in which case, you need to share that shit. If you've discovered scientific evidence of a biblical god, wouldn't all the amazing rewards humanity would bestow upon you for such a profound discovery be further proof of his blessing?

Holy Shit!

As a courtesy, I left the entire run of babble up there uninterrupted, but now it's time for a break down:

 I believe in an intelligent designer through evidence;

 What evidence? Show me this evidence. Where is it? Don't say "The Bible is evidence" because it isn't. It's one book. It's a single text that has been edited more times than the script for the pilot episode of "Soul Man."

  believe this designer is revealed in the Bible for many profound reasons. 

 What are your reasons, and why are they profound?

However a skeptical mind will never accept the Bible but taking that view would also make them a poor scientist;

What?

one not to be trusted!

 WHAT?!

I believe in God for many reasons. Some... I believe there is proof of God in his creation, I believe there is proof of God from the Bible because of prophecies foretold; which have come  to pass; the way it is written is definitely not from the mind of man. To believe the latter takes reading & study; but a closed skeptical mind will never find truth.

 So to sum up, you believe in god because you believe in god and furthermore, you believe in god because you do. Really. Seriously, dude, that's what you just said, but with a lot more unnecessary words. As far as your position that a "closed skeptical mind will never find truth." Um... Not so. A skeptical mind searches for truth. A Cynical mind may not. Moreover, you silly little man, if you are insisting that your god is truth, and no one will dissuade you regardless of how much evidence they shovel on top of your head, and you continue to point exclusively to your magic tome for answers AND NO OTHER TEXTS OF ANY KIND, who is it that's being close-minded? 

 Ladies and gentlemen, I've said this at least a few hundred times. You can NOT wave one book around, cherry pick parts of it you feel apply to your current argument, and declare it as divine truth. There is no such thing as divine truth, and when you're satisfied with accepting magic as fact, you close way more doors than you open. If you have evidence, present it. Hell, I'm not even using the old "get it peer reviewed" line on you (though, it does apply). I'm just saying present your evidence. ANY evidence. 

Reason #42

Here's the thing: One of the biggest questions I see leveled at Atheists is, "Why do you people always act like you're so damned intelligent?" This inquiry is usually shouted, typed in all caps, or in some other way inflected with sarcasm and disdain. The fact is, intelligence is a measurement of ones understanding and synthesis of known facts. The short answer, therefore, is "because we are." Call it arrogant all you want, but when you bleed all the humanity out of it, the truth of the matter is that if I know and understand something that is scientifically provable, and is backed up by a wealth of evidence, and you either don't, or intentionally deny it, then from a definitive angle, I'm more intelligent. Sure, it sounds pompous, but it's true.

It astonished me that in every other area, if someone believes and is adamant about something that has no basis in fact, they are clinically insane, but with religion, it's acceptable. If you insist that the sky is a polka dotted blanket, you're clearly a nutjob. If you go around trying to convince people that your imaginary friend not only bore the weight of the all the sins of humanity on his shoulders, but simultaneously absolved the world of them, yet demands unquestioning fealty in exchange for his unconditional love or he'll throw you into a fiery septic tank for all of eternity... well, that's okay, you're perfectly normal. You're just expressing your religion. Okay, fine.

Why? Why is this okay? Why is it arrogant to think about what you read? Why is it evil to question? Why is it wrong to demand proof? The world in which we live is profound and awesome in the truest sense of the word. Why is curiosity shunned? Why is it okay for people to blindly shuffle through life assuming an invisible sky wizard made everything from dust, rather than celebrate the amazing and elegant triumph that is humanity?

When you go through this infinitesimally short time period called life, and don't stop to wonder at anything because "god musta done it," and you don't bother thinking about the incredible intricacies of life because it's "his will," you become complacent. You stagnate, and when you operate under the assumption that everything is taken care of for you, in addition to walking around with a sense of entitlement, you slough off accountability. That is truly arrogant, and that is why, while I respect your constitutional right to have and express your religion, I do not, nor am I required to respect the religion itself anymore than I am obligated to revere the ramblings of schizophrenic and hold them as gospel.

Reason #666 Why I'm an Atheist.

Here's a typical, garden variety, everyday conversation I have on a near-daily basis, broken down mathematically, for fellow nerds:

• Religious Zealot: I believe X.
• Me: That intrigues me. Why, when there is so much evidence for Y, do you believe in X?
• Religious Zealot: Because the Bible says X is true.
• Me: I see, but what non-biblical corroborating evidence do you have to support X, that opposes the evidence in support of Y, which people have accepted on the basis of sources A,B,C,and D?
• Religious Zealot: OMG STOP ATTACKING ME! X IS TRUE!!!!!!
• Me: I'm not attacking you, I'm asking you why you believe X is true simply because the bible says it's true, when clearly, there is a preponderance of evidence based on scientific experimentation and empirical data that definitively shows Y to be the truth.
• Religious Zealot: Y is just a theory! The BIBLE says X is the truth, and I BELIEVE THE BIBLE BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAYS THE BIBLE IS TRUE! Now STOP attacking and hating me, you soul-less, blasphemous, heathen! You're going to HELL for ALL of eternity. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVE SUCH HATRED FOR ME!!!!! 
• Me: ... Seriously?

 Here's the thing: I whole-heartedly support anyone's Constitutional right to believe in whatever they wish. Unequivocally. With one caveat: If what you believe begins to interfere with any of the Constitutional rights of any American citizen (be it education, marriage, or otherwise), I , and others like me, will challenge your beliefs. Not only should such beliefs be challenged, it is MY Constitutional right, Which is neither more, nor less important than yours, to do so. 

 When superstition causes a group of people to deliberately seek out and destroy another group of people's rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness using legislation for which religion is the obvious catalyst, it is simply wrong. There is a vast array of other words to describe it, but purely speaking, it's just wrong. It's wrong on a fundamental level in that such religion-based legislation is both implicitly and explicitly forbidden by the single most important governing document of the United States: The Constitution. 

 The same Amendment that gives you the right to practice whatever religion you wish also gives me the right to challenge those beliefs. This amendment, the very first one, also expressly demands separation of church and state. Question is not equal to hatred. "Why?" is not an attack. 

 Religious Zealots, particularly Christians in the U.S., continue to try to strip Constitutional rights away from select groups of other U.S. citizens with ridiculous and hateful legislation like Prop 8 in California, and now, Amendment 1 in North Carolina. When will we learn to respect people, regardless of their birth? With any luck, this abomination will be repealed, and your children will be less ashamed of you. 

 You can NOT base your perception of reality on one single text, simply because that text claims itself to be true. By that rationale, I can argue that I am God. Since you can't disprove it, does that make me right? What If I say, "I am God, and I say that what I just said is true." Now, you're in a bind, aren't you? Do you dare to disbelieve me, and risk an eternity in hell, because I love you so much that I'm going to punish you forever for arguing with me? You can't argue a point with any validity by saying "I believe X because I believe it, so it's true." That's called delusion, and it's a sign of mental illness. 

 Don't believe me? Disprove it.

Three Revolutionaries Walk Into a Bar...

 HOLY SHIT! YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING INSANE, YOU KNOW THAT?! (You know who you are).

 Let me be very fucking explicit here, and I mean that in the definitive sense, not the connotative "I'm about to use naughty words" sense (though the latter is certainly also true).

 Homosexuality is NOT a choice. Seriously. It's a matter of scientific fucking fact. It's a little area called Genetics, and it is awesome in every sense of the word. If you'd pick up a book other than the one full of fairy tales, you'd know that.

 With the new aberration just passed in Podunk, N.C., there is an awful lot of celebratory gunfire and yee-hawing going on, but what you people (and I use that term very loosely right now) don't seem to realize is that YOU are OPPRESSING a HUGE population of human beings. People just like you (with the exception that you have more rights now). Those of you who just reached voting age, your parents might be appalled. Why? Because your parents are the ones that cried out for equality and got the ban on inter-racial marriage repealed in 1971.

 What the fuck is wrong with you people that you have this primal need to squash one group or another under foot? Seriously, someone explain it to me. In terms I can understand. Scientific terms. Give me facts. Give me evidence. Don't sit there and tell me you're against something because your interpretation of one interpretation of one religious sect's book of fables tells you so. It's bullshit. It's a cop out. it's fucking lazy!

 So here are a few facts for you (those of you who are devoutly religious, myopic, and don't like things like evidence, facts, or proof may want to navigate away from this blog now if you haven't already):

•  America was NOT founded on the King James Bible. It was founded on Democratic ideals. These ideals were the direct catalyst for the birth of this nation. The Constitution states ALL men are created equal. Period. Not just white men, not just heterosexual men, and not just Christian men. ALL FUCKING MEN! 
• The line in the Pledge of Allegiance that says "under god" was added in the 1950s as a knee-jerk reaction to communism. This means that for those of you who are constantly posting in Facebook about how "when I was a kid, the Pledge of Allegiance stated "under god." You're grandparents never did. Your point is invalid.
• Evolution is a fucking fact. It's been proven just like Gravity, Heliocentrism, many theories in Genetics, and Thermodynamics. If you drop shit, it falls down. The Earth revolves around the sun (and by the way, is also round). Many deviations in human development can be traced to one gene or another, and homo sapiens share a common ancestor with other great apes. Fucking deal with it.
• Homosexuality is a matter of genetics, not choice. Period. Full stop. It isn't only found in Hominids, it's actually found in something like 400 species. It's been proven repeatedly. 
• Questions are not attacks. This one really fucking infuriates me. I am NOT attacking you when I ask "why?" I'm asking you to support your position. If you ask me to support my position, I will do so. I understand that you may be trying to understand where I'm coming from, and I welcome the opportunity to impart any amount of the knowledge I've gained through formal study, or empirically. Stop with the oppressed majority bullshit!
• "It's true because the bible says it's true" is NOT a valid argument. Stop using it. By that rationale, anything I write is true as long as I include statements in that piece that assert its veracity. Again, this is a lazy cop out because thinking is too hard for you. KNOCK IT OFF!

 As far as voting to ban marriage between same sex couples (because let's call it what it is, it isn't "gay marriage" it's just "marriage"), in a state that still legally allows marriage between first cousins, that's pretty fucking ballsy. You CAN NOT base legislature on your bible. By doing so, you are not just ostracizing homosexuals, you're also ostracizing anyone who isn't Christian, and that is something that The Constitution of The United States, a document I grew up with and hold very dear (as should all of you who enjoy its freedoms), STRICTLY and EXPLICITLY forbids.

 What you rabidly proud bible thumpers don't seem to be able to grasp, as much as you pride yourselves on being " 'Mericans," is that even if the Bible, the Qu'ran, the Torah, the Book of the Dead, and The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster ALL were against homosexuality, you STILL could not base legislature on them, thanks to separation of church and state. 

 Another fact for you: I am a happily married heterosexual man. That's right, supporting other human's rights doesn't immediately make me one of those humans. It simply means I believe in EQUAL rights. Were it the 1960s, I would fully support desegregation. That doesn't automatically make me black anymore than supporting equality in marriage makes me gay. I also support no-kill shelters. That doesn't make me a dog, or a cat, does it?

 Stop trying to legislate morality! Stop trying to cram your unfounded religious drivel down everyone's throat. If you were really as Christian as you claim to be, you would love your fellow man, and turn the other cheek. You can't cherry pick the parts of your magical tome by which you choose to abide any more than you can cherry pick which laws you're not going to break.

*This blog post is absolutely true. There, it's been said. No denying it now.

FML, or FWP? OMG, WTF!?

 FML is an acronym for "fuck my life." Most of you know this. What most of you assholes don't know, is how to use it properly. Here's the thing: If you're in a bind, and you're tight on money because you've over-extended yourself, that's a FWP (first world problem), NOT a FML. "The battery on my phone died, and now I won't be home all weekend" is NOT a FML moment. it's a FWP moment. maybe a WTF (what the fuck) moment. If your charger is fucked up, or the electric went out, you could even, in certain circumstances, use my own adaptation, WTFF (What the fucking fuck). That would be acceptable, but not FML. Your life isn't fucked because you've been slightly inconvenienced, it's just an inconvenience. At that, it's one that an innumerable amount of people worldwide would give their right arm for.

So stop it.

Just.

Fucking.

Stop.

The drama is unnecessary. The acronym is so overused and so full of bullshit that it almost instantly triggers my bitchslap reflex. So, here's a handy guide for all you drama queens:

• FWP (First World Problem)
• Your paycheck has been delayed.
• Your mom won't let you go play with your friend because your friend is a troublemaker.
• You have a curfew.
• Your car won't start.
• You don't like Facebook's Timeline format.

 None of the aforementioned scenarios warrant a "fuck my life." Seriously, call the fucking waaaaahhhhmbulance, okay. Enough is enough. Wait for the fucking check, suck it up and listen to your mom before you make her a grandmom, be in when you're supposed to be in, get yourself a Chilton manual and figure out what's wrong with your car (you can even find that shit on Google, for fuck's sake), and if you're so self absorbed that you actually see Facebook's timeline more than your news feed, you've got bigger problems. Stop sniveling about stupid shit. These are all first world problems, and none of them are worthy of you giving up on life, now knock it the fuck off! While some of the above situations might be worthy of an "OMG" or even a "WTF," they are not fucking life altering. Get a grip.

 For contrast, here are a few actual "FML" moments:

• You're heart transplant has been cancelled.
• The fucking Holocaust.
• Slavery.
• Apartheid.
• Monkeys are flying out your ass at record speeds, and you are out of bananas. 

 Do you see the difference? All the above situations are life altering, some even life ending. these are not first world problems, these are definitely "OMG, WTF, FML: moments. So please, for the love of humanity, and your own self-respect, PLEASE fucking think, okay? Here's a cheat sheet:

• For FML
• Is this going to seriously hamper your life for the foreseeable future?
• Are you about to die?
• Are you in imminent danger of dying?
• Are you Japanese, and is it August of 1945?
• Are you on a slow boat from Africa to something those white guys keep calling "The New World?"

 If the answer to all of these, and any comparable situation is "no." Please, for fuck's sake, DON'T use "FML." It isn't fucking appropriate. The world doesn't revolve around your ability to get reception on your iPhone, so fuck off.

Rise of the Planet of the Dust People (Questions 3 and 4 of 21)

 Awhile ago, I set out to answer these 21 questions that "stupid scientists can't answer." It's been pointed out to me that this video was in jest... a trolling attempt. Nonetheless, I've found, much to my chagrin, that there are people who actually believe this shit. So, I will continue my evil, hedonistic, blasphemous plan to burst the bubbles of the ignorami (my preferred pluralization of the word "ignoramus") world-wide... or at least in my immediate vicinity. Again, these questions are copied and pasted from the video without alteration (in other words, I didn't even correct spelling errors in the questions. I did that on purpose, because I'm an asshole).

 Question 3: "Have you ever seen a mountain form?"

 No one has. Unless you count those childhood science class experiments with growing crystals, and even that is only a tool for showing the science behind the evidence. That's right, I said "science" and "evidence." It's the study of things... the deliberate seeking out of knowledge in order to explain things we don't quite understand, rather than throw our hands in the air and say "Sky wizard musta done it..." that enables us to better grasp the world around us. Mountains formed over millenia, not overnight, and not over a few meager decades. Don't level this question at us non believers unless you're prepared to answer one of equal caliber: Have you ever seen a human formed from dust?

 Question 4: "Why doesn't new life show up in a jar of peanut butter?"

 I've actually had people ask me this question in this exact phrasing. It always amazes me, and I love rebutting this one. After I collect my bottom jaw from the ground, I typically issue my regular answer. Preservatives and an airtight environment. Period. If the Earth were sealed in an airtight container, and injected with chemicals deliberately engineered to inhibit life, life wouldn't show up here either. It's actually a very simple answer. That being said, given enough time, and a slight modification of the conditions (and I mean only slight) life could in fact show up in a jar of peanut butter. Very easily. All you have to do is leave the lid off, and let it sit in the vast expanse of the world around it. If it isn't eaten, life will be along relatively shortly. It might even be as simple as a fly that deposits bacteria when it lands on the rim. That's all it takes. Now picture that the jar of peanut butter, with its modified conditions (the lid being opened) is Earth, and the fly (with its bacteria-laden legs) is an asteroid. When the two meet, viola! you've introduced life to an environment that can sustain it.

 This isn't a very difficult concept to grasp. What is difficult to grasp is that some magical sky ghost scooped up a bunch of dust (that, by the way, he created a couple days before) and molded it into a living, breathing organism, or that he then took a bone (where the fuck he got the bone, I don't know, because I don't recall anything about him changing the physical properties of dust) out of that man and created its counterpart. That, to me, is a little far fetched. There's no way that you can get six BILLION people with such a variety of traits from two completely homogeneous, white dust people in the course of six millenia. Especially when you take into account that your cloud wizard smote the entirety of mankind (according to the fairy tale) and started from scratch because we weren't doing it right. Sorry, kids, but that sounds a lot to me like pissing on a chalk drawing because someone else put a mark on it.