Someone told me last week that they had made "spare bacon, just in case." Let's get one thing straight right now: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SPARE BACON!
Bacon exists in two states, and only two states, either it's uncooked, or it's ready to be eaten. There's debate about whether bacon in the process of being eaten is in fact in a third state, but I assert that it's merely in a transitory stage whereby it's becoming non-existent.
In other news about ridiculous assertions regarding food:
Some group of douchebags with nothing better to do have decided they want Cap'n Crunch demoted.
Yeah, seriously. It was on Action News this morning. They claim that he doesn't have enough stripes. His insignia are that of a commander, not a captain.
You know what?
SO THE FUCK WHAT!?
Does the rank of this fictional character have anything to do at all with the fact that that shit will still cut the roof of your mouth like a medieval barber trying to cure depression?
And let's not forget the Soggies.
You think they'd be afraid of a lowly commander?!
Ladies and gents, there are a few immutable laws in this world, here's two for you:
Cap'n Crunch is indeed a captain, regardless of how many stripes he has, and bacon is fucking delicious.
Apparently, the next generation doesn't get this. They're still playing with their god damned food.
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