Dog Days of Summer

If I see your dog locked in your car on a hot summer day, or any day for that matter, I will NOT break your window.

You heard me.

There's a shitload of bluster whipping around the internet about these peacocking PETA warriors threatening to break car windows if they so much as have an inkling that your dog might be inside your car while the sun is up, and it's fucking ridiculous, asinine, and stupid.

Why?

Aren't these super-douches on the side of all that is right and holy?

Nope.

Not at all.

Consider this scenario:

A man goes into the SPCA and browses around looking at dogs. After a while, he cruises through the death row section, and a pitbull looks up at him as if pleading. His heart can't take it. He adopts the previously abused dog, and takes him home. He works with the dog for a year. retrains him. Housebreaks him all over again. Socializes him. The dog is happy. Playful. Protective. And thankful for this man who seems to have come from the heavens at the eleventh hour. The dog loves this man, and his family. His kids. all the people who've given him a second chance. He'll lay his life down for them.

One day, the man takes the dog in for his checkup at the vet's office. The dog jumps up into the back of the Blazer just like he does every weekend for his car rides. Ears flopping. Whole body wagging. On the way home, the man pulls into a convenience store, and runs in to grab some sandwiches for him and the dog. He knows the dog shouldn't have cheese, but he's old, and it makes him happy.

While he's in the store, someone sees the dog looking around anxiously for his human to return, and shatters the back windshield of the blazer. The dog freaks out, because he and his master are suddenly under attack. He lunges and grabs the first thing he can get a hold of to suppress the intruder. The intruder loses his hand and his pride. The dog, being a pitbull, and having a history, is seized by animal control and euthanized.

Who's the asshole?

Before you puff your chest out and go on a crusade saving all the poor wittle puppies, take a moment to think. Yes, there are people who leave their animals locked in a car with the windows all the way up for two hours in a parking lot while the temperature skyrockets and they wait in line for the new sneakers they've been foaming at the mouth to get, but these aren't the norm. These people definitely ARE assholes, and should definitely NOT be charged with the proper care of an animal.

In most cases, these dogs are in transition from point A to point B, and they're sitting patiently and happily with the windows open while their human counterpart runs into Wawa for a few minutes (for those of you not in the northeastern U.S., Wawa is the mecca of convenience stores, and if you don't have one near you, you have my condolences).

Do NOT smash these people's windows.

I know you're seething and waiting for a justifiable explanation of why not, so here:

You can (and most likely will) scare the ever loving shit out of the dog. Most domesticated canines will instinctively protect their masters and their masters' property. I.E. you will get fucking bit. You may lose a finger or two. You are also committing a crime by damaging personal property.

And not just the car window.

I hate to break it to you, but most states still recognize pets as property of their owners. This may not be the case in your hipster, progressive, vegan-friendly neck of the woods, but it is for the vast majority of the U.S. If, after breaking that window, cutting your arm, losing a couple digits to the suddenly ferocious sentry in the seat, and skinning your knee as it jumps out the window and takes off, the animal then bolts out in front of oncoming traffic and gets flattened like a penny on the train tracks, guess what?

You've just earned yourself a substantial litany of charges.

AND you're a fucking asshole dog murderer.

You've got the extra guilt of being responsible for the death of the animal you were so boldly trying to save from a five minute wait.

Yes, it's abhorrent for someone to leave their pet locked in an airtight vehicle for a substantial length of time (incidentally, this is true regardless of the outside weather conditions). It is more of an abomination for you to hoist yourself onto that high fucking horse of yours and decide to be the actual catalyst for that animal's demise.

Don't be a fucking asshole dog murderer.