Insulting

It's not terribly often that I double dip on a topic so fast, but these Carnival cruise whiners are hellbent on provoking my ire.

Among news this morning of a meteorite damn near killing people in Russia, an asteroid mere thousands of miles from Earth, a double amputee shooting his hot girlfriend, and the invention of a bionic eye, was the harrowing and tragic tale of thousands of bloated Texans spending five days camping.

Again.

These paint chip eating, knuckle dragging, evolutionary dead ends are really starting to piss me off. One particularly fluffy god botherer even compared the nearly week long ordeal with being homeless. She actually said they were homeless! Really?

Really!?

Been there, done that, threw away the dry-rotted t-shirt I wore for four years, honey.

She then proceeded to have the mind-numbing audacity to call the reimbursement, free cruise, and 500 bucks that Carnival is issuing to every single passenger an insult.

An insult!?

Carnival can insult me like this any fucking time. I'll learn to live with it.

You know what's insulting? Having to listen to these entitled, soft pissants moan about the fact that they were inconvenienced by the fucking FIRE that started aboard the ship and DIDN'T KILL THEM. Among the complaints: "only one elevator worked." Yeah but the ship didn't capsize. "They had an open bar." I'm not making this up, some vapid whore complained that they opened the bar. COMPLAINED! "It was smelly." Okay, but did the ship sink? "We had to do bible study on the floor." So the fuck what?!

The kicker is that these myopic fucktards will praise jeebus, and thank gawd that they're all safe and headed home.

Never mind the men and women of the U.S. Coast guard that air dropped supplies.

Forget about the tug boat captains that towed them into port.

Gawd done it.

And now they're being insulted by getting stacks of free shit.

The nerve!

So on behalf of the seething, entitled, spoiled brats aboard the Triumph, I would like to thank the men and women who assured their safe return, on behalf of myself, and perhaps anonymous others who might agree with me, I'd like to suggest that you leave them out there next time, and on behalf of the survivors of the Titanic, the Bismarck, the Maersk Alabama, and countless others, I would like to say fuck you to the passengers of the Triumph.

Take your five hundred dollar insult, buy some new flip flops and a nice King James bible, and fucking choke on them.

Derelict

Let me get this straight:

4,000 poor, terrified tourists had their vacation ruined because of a fire onboard a cruise ship, and it's a national tragedy?

Is that right?

How many died?

None?

Not one?

The Triumph is 60 miles offshore, and being towed in by two tugboats, instead of stranded at sea, or at the bottom of the ocean. 60 miles away from the safety of the American shore...okay, it is Alabama, but still...relative safety. I wonder what that's like. Perhaps we should ask a Cuban refugee.

Thousands of rich people who can afford it, and radio show listeners who can't, have had to suffer the agony of being inconvenienced by a potentially fatal fire, and thus have had to camp on deck...in the gulf of Mexico...and it's being hailed as a "nightmare at sea" (cue swelling dirge). I wonder what the people of the Maersk Alabama (you know, that ship that was accosted by Somolian pirates) would think about that.

I heard one reporter this morning (who seems to think he's due for a pulitzer) talk about the cold weather they'll be greeted with at port, calling it "the final indignity" these poor wretches will have to endure. Let's ask the survivors of the Titanic about final indignity, shall we? Oh, wait... Well, there's always the survivors of the Bismarck. No?

Let me see if I can put this into perspective:

There was a fire aboard your cruise ship. Fires are very dangerous things, but in this case, thankfully, no one was hurt. Your cruise ship (ostensibly packed with enough food and gear for the passenger manifest for at least a few days) went derelict. Thankfully, it did not capsize. Rather than being stranded at sea, or running aground on a mysterious island where the occasional mine or crate of radioactive vegetables might wash up, you're being towed to safe harbor. No egotistical professor is making overly elaborate devices, and no little buddies are fouling them up.

It sucks ass, yes, but it's not the end of the world.

When seven castaways suffer more over the course of several years than you have in the past few days, and they make it a sitcom, you're not suffering all that much. You've merely been grossly inconvenienced, and it's an inconvenience that you can rest assured will be met with a round of official apologies, remuneration, talk show appearances and possibly a shiny award or two for the brave passengers of the Triumph.

I really don't want to hear anymore about how these people's flip flops have been ruined. Get it off the news and save it for ther made for T.V. movie starring Judith Light and Meredith Baxter.