You only live once.
Really?
Despite the fact that Roald Dahl and Sean Connery debunked this brain cell assassinating gem in 1967 (thereby rendering any and all of your arguments invalid in one swarthy, sexy, Scottish fell swoop), it seems it needs some more clarification.
Fine.
This abomination is supposed to be "carpe diem" for the new generation.
It isn't.
What it is, is a grossly over-used, ridiculous, myopic statement that has blossomed into colloquial lexicons everywhere with a connotation bathed in more irony than the fact that most people don't know what the fuck "irony" means.
Why?
It isn't a reason to do anything. It's a reason NOT to. It isn't a justification, you assholes, it's a warning.
Need an example? Fine. First, though, you have to understand what you're saying (something it seems has been lost in this younger generation). This asinine acronym stands for "You Only Live Once" and whoever is responsible for its sudden uptrend needs to be punched squarely in the junk. "You only live once" is precisely a reason to not do stupid shit that may result in the sudden and violent revocation of your breathing privileges. Furthermore, this isn't what you mean. You don't mean "I'm going to jump into that gorilla pen and steal his banana, because you only live once..." unless you're suicidal, in which case, go right the fuck ahead. What you mean - you poorly educated, easily-manipulated sheeple - is "carpe diem." It's Latin for "seize the day." Not withstanding the fact that seizing the day (or an angry gorilla's banana, for that matter) isn't always a wise decision, the point remains the same.
"Let's go wake up that angry Irish woman 3 hours before she needs to get up and go to a job she can only barely stand, because YOLO."
No.
Stop.
First of all, you mean "carpe" fucking "diem," not "YOLO." Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, if you're going to do this because you only live once, you're implicitly admitting that you no longer wish to occupy this mortal coil, dumbass.
I know this just seems like I'm shaking one fist while clutching a shotgun in the other, standing on my porch in an open bathrobe and boxers while demanding that you get the fuck off my lawn, but I do have a point. That point is that if you're going to keep using this ludicrous acronym that serves as little more than a clear indication of douchbaggery, the least you could do is use it correctly. For instance, "I'm going to get the fuck off this crazy old coot's lawn, because YOLO, and I'm not done yet."
Here's a quick reference for you asshats:
Carpe Diem (Sieze the day) because:
- You've never been skydiving before.
- You have a choice: Bacon, or no bacon (hint: ALWAYS go with bacon).
- You could either go to a concert, or stay home and knit.
- You're thinking of learning a new language or skill.
- You need to get off the fucking couch and go outside.
YOLO (You only live once) because:
- It's a bad idea to stand in the middle of a busy intersection.
- That gorilla really wants the banana, and he's SO much bigger than you.
- Irish women, while beautiful, can be very, very aggressive when annoyed, and if you're in range, it's your fault.
- Life sucks, so thank goodness you only have to do it once (for you dramatic types).
- You've taken Liam Neeson's daughter, and he's given you an ultimatum.
Sheeple! I don't know what's worse: that I used to hear that said incessantly ten years ago, or that this is the first time I've heard it said again in ten years.
ReplyDeleteAs far as, YOLO -- I can't believe that's actually a thing. My personal vote is that it gets replaced with Carpe Noctem (for stupid and potentially suicidal things like the gorilla, the intersection bit, and asking musicians to play "American Pie" or "Freebird") -- and that it remains YOLO once for the TRULY suicidal ones such as standing within ear or eye shot of an enraged Irish woman, deciding to spew verbal emo diarrhea, and inviting a guitar player to a rap battle.
This is the first post I'm reading of your blog and I'm already impressed. And ashamed - I had no idea that Roald Dahl wrote the screenplay for "You Only Live Twice", and it's one of my favorite Bonds. I guess the shame of it is that Dahl is an old favorite of mine as well - he always occupied a special place on my bookshelf as a child, among the cream of my author crop. I look at my "Cheaper by the Dozen" collection (if you've only seen that gawd-awful Steve Martin movie, please suspend judgement), and realize I don't have a Roald Dahl collection, and I don't even know why.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm with you on YOLO - mostly because I abhor cliches (to the point where I won't even bother with the grave), especially when I use them.
But as to the term itself, I think we may be missing something, a concept that's touched on here, but explored differently that I'd like to recommend - insinuation.
For example, you're arguing with someone, letting them know what you think, and instead of giving you a good, intelligent response, they throw their hands up in exasperation and say "Screw it, I could care less!" Wrong. You know it's wrong - it SHOULD be "I couldn't care less!"
But is it COMPLETELY wrong? Consider this - "I could care less (but I'm not being paid enough to do so)!" Well, that's not all bad, is it?
So then we apply this rule to YOLO - "You only live once (and it won't have been worthwhile if you don't waste it doing crazy shit sometimes)." Of course carpe diem, one of the "original cliches" (and one that I tolerate), fits better, but let's face it, most of the cretins throwing this around aren't REALLY insinuating. Some of them don't even know how.
But on the other hand, "enlightening" them of matters semantic essentially boils down to giving gold to troglodytes (or, if you enjoy cliches, think along the lines of pigs and pearls).
Anyway, just wanted to say how much I enjoyed this post. I must go now because I've opened the Roald Dahl website, and it keeps farting at me.
In the 1967 James Bond movie "You Only Live Twice", Ernst Stavro Blofeld says "You only live twice, Mr. Bond" after Bond says he is on his second life. This is clearly a threat, and fits with your definition to some extent.
ReplyDeleteHowever, in all cases that I've seen or heard the phrase "you only live once", it seemed to mean something along the lines of "you only have one life, so enjoy as much of it as you can before you die". I've often heard it used as a motivator to get someone to do something that they likely have already refused to do. For example, "C'mon, you only live once!" Urban Dictionary users suggest it may be used as an excuse for doing something someone knows is stupid, and seems to agree with this definition.
According to the users of Wikipedia, this quote has apparently been attributed to many over past hundred years, including Mae West ("You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough") and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ("one lives but once in the world"). More recently--also according to Wikipedia--the song "You Only Live Once" by Suicide Silence, had the original demo title of "I'll Try Anything Once". All of which seem to assert that one should include certain content in one's life to make that life worthwhile before the end of one's only life.
I won't argue that people are still probably using this phrase incorrectly, but it would appear that your interpretation is also wrong for the majority of its use.