Creationist Silliness: Part IV

If you've made it this far into my slow, tedious series answering Buzzfeed's 22 Questions... congratulations! You're to be commended on your iron constitution.

Today's question comes from what might just be Fox's new anchor woman.

"How do you explain the sunset if their (sic) is no God?"

Oh. My. Fuck.

Really?

REALLY!?

Okay, listen up, future-ex-mrs.-O'Reilly, there's a well known (though apparently not as well-known as I'd hoped) concept called heliocentrism. We've known about it since Galileo, but folks weren't too keen on it back then.

It describes the Earth's orbit around the sun (Stay with me; I know this is making the air in your head whoosh around a bit).

Since the Earth is a solid object through which light cannot pass, about half of it gets sunshine (barring a cloudy or overcast day) while the other half goes night-night.

As the Earth (that's the rather large, spherical rock on which you amble about spreading the horror of ignoring the use of the proper "there") rotates on its (that's another homophone, don't let it trip you up, cupcake) axis, the area upon which the sun shines changes.

Still with me?

Okay, here's where it gets a little confusing.

The sun is always shining. It doesn't go out, or switch off. It's actually not even shining, so much as in a state of constant fusion and on fire, but that's another lesson altogether. It's the Earth (remember that planet thingy you're standing on?) That actually both spins on its axis, and circumnavigates (that's fancy talk for "follows a set, predictable path around") the sun.

Now, since your blessed little house with all its cats (because let's be honest, you have a dozen, don't you?) Doesn't circumnavigate the big planet thingy in the direction opposite the one in which the big planet thingy circumnavigates the sun (that's the big, bright, fiery thingy in the sky during the day), it appears that the sun is setting when it's time for you to rest your weary head.

In fact, the sun is not setting at all. It is moving on an elliptical path of its own, but thanks to gravity (another theory with which I'm certain you're unfamiliar), our big planet thingy keeps near enough to the big fiery thingy to be warm enough to sustain life without being cold enough to destroy it (with the exception of some parts of New Jersey, apparently)

For sunrise, just try to understand that since the big planet thingy continues to spin (because it doesn't stop), and it's a sphere (think of a circle, but three-dimensional, and solid), the big fiery thingy appears to come back up on the other side of your cat-infested hut.

You know what?

Fuck it.

Just pray to it, and don't have any children.

You're dismissed with a condescending pat on the head.