Makes Me So Mad, I Could... Oh, Never Mind.

 STOP FUCKING SPITTING! What is the matter with you people? At home, fine. If you're having a bad reaction to the diseased cock you just put in your mouth for a double cheeseburger, fine. If you're having an epileptic fit, or a grand mal seizure, fine, but other than a very select, very few reasons, there is absolutely no justifiable cause for spitting in public. It's just fucking nasty. What are you doing, marking your territory with your mouth? Showing your displeasure at the taste of the air? Paying homage to a long antiquated wild west display of disgust? Intentionally insulting someone whom you don't feel is worth words? Go classy, and bite your thumb! There is no reason someone ought to be showered with bits offal from your eighteen dollar soup and sandwich on the way back to the office.

 Spitting out something that's disgusting, or gone bad, or caused an unpleasant reaction in your gut at home is one thing. Sometimes, it's necessary. Spitting on the god damned sidewalk where people are trying to walk by is another altogether. There's no justification for it. No one should have to worry about being projectile drooled on while walking down the street. It's disgusting. Don't believe me? Close your eyes, and picture a complete stranger spitting directly into your mouth. Picture their unsolicited glob of saliva and flecks of cheap fast food hamburger smacking into your uvula, and clinging for dear life before dropping offensively down your throat. Not pretty, is it? The same goes for snot rockets. KNOCK IT OFF! There is one place, and one place ONLY where snot rockets are even remotely close to being almost possibly acceptable, and that's in a boxing ring. So, I'll tell you what, if you want to act like you're in a boxing ring in my presence, how about if I do too? You go ahead and hurry past the throngs of innocent bystanders on the sidewalk, and when you close up one nostril to forcibly eject all the wisdom in your head from the other, I'll take my cue and punch the ever loving bejesus out of you for millions of dollars. Does that work?

 "But I have a cold."

 I don't give a bleeding blue shit if you have walking pneumonia. If you have a cold, and you're aware that you have a cold, 1) it's all the more reason you shouldn't be arming and firing snot rockets into public. You've now just admitted you're engaging in germ warfare. Asshole. B) CARRY A FUCKING PACK OF TISSUES! They make them in travel size for a reason. So people like you don't go around infecting people like us, who don't want to be sick! It's bad enough to have to hear the arduous calling up of phlegm from your chest and sinuses as you prepare what you hope to be the world's greatest ball of mucous. It's disgusting, and frankly, arrogant to assume that I'm going to get any kind of joy from dodging it!

 There are times and places when sharing your bodily fluids is acceptable, even welcome and condoned. The sidewalk of the town I love is not one of those places... at any time. Keep your bodily fluids to yourself; especially if they're speckled with disease. I'm seriously considering carrying a supply of beakers around with me, just to catch the frothy globs so I can hurriedly whip them back into the faces of the knuckle dragging, paint chip eating, yokels who think it's okay to expel their saliva, snot, chaw, and dignity where I'm about to walk. Are there other disgusting habits? Sure. Of course. People have often told me that smoking is a disgusting habit, but you know what? At least I have the courtesy to not share the tendrils of cigarette smoke emitting from my nostrils with people unbidden. As a matter of fact, I've been known to intentionally not smoke when explicitly asked... or in a movie theatre... or in the middle of a restaurant... or on a plane... or in a baby's face... or any other area where it's banned... none of these can be said of spitters, or snot rocketeers, and they have the added horror of being the 21st century's answer to plague bearing rats.

 Maybe this is what's wrong with people today. Maybe stupid really is contagious.