Tailspin

I need some TLC.

Seriously, what the fuck happened to The Learning Channel? It used to be on the caliber of WHYY (which some of you may remember / still tune in to) with informative shows on the level of Nova.

Now, it's barely more than a twenty-four hour Hee-Haw channel. The only redeeming thing about TLC anymore are my guilty pleasure shows: Hoarders, and My Strange Addiction. Trashy and schadenfreude inspiring as these shows may be, at least they offer the pretense of informing you about something. What could anyone possibly learn from honey boo boo? How to live vicariously through your kid via pageantry?

These shows don't belong on The Learning Channel. Programs like Honey Boo Boo, and Gator Boys, and the newest abomination the title of which I can't remember right now (though I will admit, I do intend to watch at least once) need their own channel. Call it Podunk Television. There, I just made someone rich.

I'll admit, I like Moonshiners, but have you ever seen it? These lovable hillbillies are actually pretty fucking ingenious, and there's a lot to learn about what they're doing. Not only that, but they explain things like why they're doing what they do, how it works, why this is important, or that's not. There's actually more to it than just "flippin the camry on ol' Gertie there while she chase them kids and dogs around." There's booze and science involved, and it's on Discovery. I discovered that there are still serious moonshiners out there making weapons-grade liquor.

I don't know why there's this huge spike in redneck reality, but it has to end. Seriously, leave it for shows like Cops and World's Dumbest. I'm not one of these hipster, deluded douchebags standing here going on about how television is so this or that, and I'm sure as hell not going to pretend I don't watch it. After a stressful day chock full of aggravation, there's nothing quite like cracking open a beer and watching complete morons do potentially fatal stupid shit, but just like there's a channel I go to to geek out on sci-fi, and a channel to fill me with new scientific ideas, there's a channel for brainless tomfoolery. It's called Tru TV.

Oh, and if you don't realize that the reality of reality TV is that it isn't real, you need to get your fucking head checked.