Bollocks!

There is something royally fucked up about a great many Americans.

Why are we (I'm speaking generally now, don't crucify me) obsessed with the British monarchy? Apparently, the queen has a stomach bug, and they took her to hospital for observation, being concerned about the potential for dehydration.

American media outlets have been shitting themselves all weekend.

Why is the queen in the hospital?

Will she be okay?

More at eleven, and midnight, and dawn the next day, and...

While I admit that I find monarchies in general mildly fascinating from an historical angle, the fact that queen Elizabeth II has had to be hospitalized just in case she gets dehydrated from a stomach flu rates exceedingly low on the list of interesting and fascinating shit...like somewhere between having my toenails forcibly clipped, and watching flies fuck.

She's an octogenarian, for fuck's sake, of course they're going to take her frail, royal, aged bones to seek medical attention. I'm surprised she hasn't sneezed herself into a hundred pieces at her age.

Now, all that being said, I still want to know one thing: why, in an unparalleled display of irony, are Americans so bloody obsessed with the British monarchy? With monarchy, in general?

Meanwhile, Dennis Rodman, you know, Madonna's ex, just got back from wagging his finger at NoKo, and doctors are scratching their heads trying to figure out how an infant has been cured of HIV after they blasted it with treatment-level doses of anti-retrovirals.

I hear carnival music being hammered out on a calliope in the back of my head.

We detach ourselves from royalty, then watch obsessively from across the pond like the world's worst stalker, and raise our own citizens on pedestals to gasp at their stature.

"...and but for ceremony..."