Last night's debate between Joe "who the fuck is this kid" Biden, and Paul "thank you, sir, may I have another" Ryan was beautiful and decisive, but it lacked one thing: Joe spiking the microphone on stage at the end. Let's get a couple of translations out of the way here. It's important to note that when Joe "I'm going to bite your fucking head off" Biden says "my friend here" what he means is "this asshole." When he says "and Governor Romney / Governor / Romney" read "that asshole." When Paul "not in the face" Ryan says "Look" or "You see" it translates to "I've been told explicitly to get in this sound bite."
One thing was abundantly clear throughout the entire debate: Paul "it's past my bedtime" Ryan came glaringly unprepared.
He was expecting to debate an Obama analog.
He was expecting to debate a tired old man.
He was not expecting a 70 year old political veteran to smack the fucking taste out of his mouth.
Ryan continually and consistently tried to let off the sound bites he was given, and spout the same rhetoric the Romney campaign started off with. Unfortunately, he didn't get the memo that Romney is now a moderate conservative, and no longer the tea bag-wielding ultra-conservative he was a few mere weeks ago.
Biden kept shutting down the Eddie Munster look-alike with facts and statistics.
Over, and over, and over again.
For those of you who for some insane reason haven't seen the debate, it went a little something like this:
Ryan lied through his government paid-for teeth about healthcare reform while Biden chuckled and tried to keep himself from leaping up out of the chair yelling "BULLSHIT!" The exchange then turned to Biden, who presented specific, provable facts while Ryan sipped his water to replenish the cold sweat pouring from his brow.
Ryan accused the democrats of not being familiar with working in a bipartisan way, having forgotten about a little known gentleman by the name of Bill motherfucking Clinton. Biden chuckled again, probably realizing that when Clinton was president, Ryan was still wearing footie pajamas, and shuffling around with a woobie in his hand.
Near the end, they got to an issue that is near and dear to me, and this is what in my mind and heart, made this debate so decisive: religion.
Ryan's stance is decidedly Catholic, and he all but plainly said his campaign intends to legislate based on religious doctrine. This should come as no surprise, since he didn't say anything plainly or specifically all night, but what you may want to consider is how difficult it is to govern according to Atlas Shrugged, and The Bible simultaneously.
On the other side, we have Joe Biden, a Catholic man all his life, who specifically stated, and has verifiably proven, that he will not govern according to religious principles, because though they may be what he accepts for himself, they aren't necessarily what all of America accepts. In other words, when Ryan said "I don't see how a person can separate their public life from their private life or their faith." Biden said "Like this. Sit down, shut up, and pay attention, you might learn something."
I didn't tune in to hear the spin camps chime in on either side, so I don't know which media outlets said what, but I imagine FOX is spinning this as "Ryan tried to stick to the issues, but he was a bit dehydrated." and NBC went with the headline "Biden Makes Veep Hopeful Cry."
What I do think is safe to assume, is that Biden went backstage, called Obama and said, "Did you see that? Do that next week. that's how the fuck you do it." At the same time, Ryan was on the phone to his mom asking for a new pair of pants and a hug.
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