Creationist Silliness: Part Upside-down 6 (because fuck you)

I'm just going to jump right in here:

"I believe in the big bang theory. God said it and BANG it happened!"

Emphasis (and lack of comma) once again, not mine.

I'm not sure what Miss Too-much Face here is trying to get at. What this (ironic quote) question (close ironic quote) really says to me is: "I can't think of a viable question, so I'm going to write down something I saw on a bumper sticker once in 1983 and grin sheepishly."

Jesus H Fuck.

No, cupcake... just no.

I'm not sure if it's my blood boiling, or my sugar dropping, but this stupidity is so overwhelming, I've got the shakes. Hopefully the Goldfish crackers will sort it.

Why is this even included? It's almost as if Buzzfeed is daring us to ridicule this.

Well...

I'm not one ot pass up a dare.

[cracks knuckles]

Alright, sweetheart, listen up: God didn't say anything. The big bang happened without him, just like every other thing that's ever happened in the history of EVER. You'd know that if you'd ever gotten a big bang yourself, but I suspect the only way you'd ever encounter that is by way of some frat house dare. That being said, what you believe is of no consequence. Beliefs do not change facts. Period.

Go away.

Go find your handler, and stop wandering around when adults are trying to talk.

I'm done. You're dismissed.

I know you readers are probably wondering why I'd even address this one instead of skipping it (and if you're not, tough shit, I'm going to tell you anyway).

The simple fact is that this fluffy, Marty Feldman-eyed cat lady completely screwed someone out of a stimulating evening listening to a very logically sound (if not one-sided) debate, and that pisses me off. She obviously wasn't paying attention to anything that was said by either party (let alone her eighth-grade science teacher). She took up space and wasted it.

Instead of being at this debate vapidly looking about the room and blissfully nodding her head every time she heard the "G" word, someone else could have had that ticket and maybe learned something. It was an educational opportunity completely squandered.

Thankfully, the debate was live-streamed.

This does raise a question though, for which I've not yet gotten a satisfactory answer. This is posed at all of you believers:

Aside from the fact that your preacher, pastor, priest, or parent has told you so, WHY do you believe that one single book written by several authoritarian members of a bronze age tribe is the divine word of a creator? Never mind the mysticism, and don't give me that "I feel it in my heart" shit. What is it that makes this explanation the only one your minimally convoluted brain will allow?