Hypocrisy Abounds

 GOD DAMN IT! When are people going to fucking realize that "pro-choice" does NOT mean "I want to kill your children!?" It means pro fucking choice. Choice. Remember that word? Choice? Here, I'll break it down for you:

choice
Noun: An act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities.
noun.  selection - option - pick - election - assortment

 As you can see (assuming you are capable of synthesizing this information) CHOICE, as opposed to COMPULSION, is more in line with what the forefathers of our country had in mind in most things. It's what this nation was fucking founded on! By being pro CHOICE, I am not compelling YOU to do one thing or another, I'm standing up for YOUR RIGHT TO CHOOSE!

 Assholes.

 I'm so fucking exhausted with having to explain this shit, I really am. My belief that a person has a RIGHT to choose does not have any affect whatsoever on your CHOICE. That's for you to decide. Personally, I find it offensive that people find my support of their right to have options presented to them, rather than be compelled one way or another, offensive. What the fervent, flying fuck do you not understand?

 Now... let me take a breath and try to handle this with ever so slightly more decorum:

 No, I am not a woman, but I do support the idea that you ought to have the right to decide what to do with your body. ESPECIALLY if you weren't given the option to intentionally place it into a state of gestation.

 No, I have never given birth, but I do believe that as a citizen of the United States of America, you are granted certain unalienable rights. Among them life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. If bearing children impedes your right to life, you should have the option to make a decision about that. If it strips your right to liberty (I.E. You weren't consulted on the idea of becoming pregnant), you should be allowed options. If it halts you in your pursuit of happiness (for instance, the child will most likely be stillborn, or is the product of rape, or is likely to kill you in the process of becoming full term), you ought to be granted alternatives. Notice how in NONE of those arguments did I say "You ought to scrape it out." Again, I'm not insisting that you believe as I do, I'm staunchly defending your right to believe what you wish!

 No, I've never been pregnant, but I'm not forcing my beliefs onto you and insisting that you do it my way because if you don't the invisible man in the sky will get you.

 Here's the thing: it seems to me that a vast majority of pro-lifers (the ones killing all the abortion doctors) are ultra-conservative, right wing, republican, super-rich psycho-Christians. That's fine. I wholeheartedly support their right to choose that option. While I don't agree with it, one of the fundamental things that I believe in my core is that in this country, we all have the right to follow our own pathos and ideologies. (Yes, I used the word "pathos" intentionally).

 What I'm having trouble understanding is this: These are the same people that want to shirk their civic duties and responsibilities to the progress of the nation as a whole. They want their money to be their money, and no one else's. They don't want to pay taxes, they don't want government, and they don't want you to disagree with them. These are the anti-welfare, anti-unemployment, anti-healthcare reform, anti-poor-people people. If people don't have the option, the CHOICE, or the education necessary to make the right decisions for their lives, or correct mistakes made by themselves, or mistakes made by other people but forced onto them, they will encumber society. Don't you get it? YOU'RE SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE WALLET!

 Planned Parenthood isn't about "killing babies." For starters, in cases of abortion, the cells removed are not yet proven to be viable. More importantly, however, (as the title of the establishment would suggest) it's about "planned" parenthood. It's about education, so that young people can make better decisions. So, stop railing against them because you seem to think all they do is scrape out unwanted babies.

 As far as all you people who insist that any collection of cells that is capable of holding and maintaining life should be protected, don't be so fucking sanctimonious. A tumor is a collection of living cells. A parasite is a collection of living cells. That lemongrass smoothie you got from Hoity-Toity's House of Douchebaggery before going to the office to rape consumers out of their hard earned cash was a collection of living cells. Yogurt? Living cells. Cheese? Living cells. Salad? Living fucking cells.

 Oh, and before you chime in with the standard-issue question that's supposed to make me change my mind, ("What if your mom chose to abort you?") she wouldn't have. I was conceived (albeit, to the chagrin of many) on purpose. That is a bullshit argument built on a horse shit foundation, because guess what? When I was born, my mother did, in fact, have a choice. She chose to afflict the world with me anyway.

Evolution is Just a Theory.

 If you clicked on that link faster than a priest with an invitation to NAMBLA, you're in the right place. I haven't yet decided which is the lesser of two evils: insincerity in the promotion of good and just purposes, or sincerity in the promotion of false and intellectually offensive ones. This is one of many reasons I suspect I'm at least half Vulcan.

 Insincerity in the promotion of good purposes offends me on an emotional level. I find it repulsive that certain people will copy and paste dull, vapid, generally accepted platitudes on their Facebook walls and Twitter accounts and accompany them with thinly veiled threats or insults to the convictions of the people reading them. It's asinine.

 "If you or someone you know knows of anyone that has dealt with cancer, repost this for an hour to help find a cure."

 No.

 Nearly everyone knows someone who at least knows someone who's dealt with cancer. If they haven't, they're either too young, or too far out of touch with reality to make use of the internet anyway. I will not repost this, because reposting this and leaving it as my status message for an hour will not cure cancer. You know what will? Action on research, that's what. If people would stop throwing money away to study the flow rate of ketchup or rent politicians, and start putting it to use to enable research and development, we could get closer to a cure exponentially faster. I don't see how giving your ego a handjob is going to help with this.

 "99% OF YOU WON'T REPOST THIS, BUT..."

 Stop this banal self-serving bullshit. Sometimes, I wish every computer would come with a little troll inside that lives under the keyboard. Every time someone goes to hit Ctrl+C on one of these ridiculous, insincere statuses of which they've only read the first line, he would pop out, draw a tiny scimitar, and take a finger. Anyone who's literate and has the capability of free independent thought that has seen what cancer, AIDS, racism, sexism, homophobia, bigotry, the far right, the far left, communism, fascism, consumerism, terrorism, and Newt Gingrich can do to someone knows how morally wrong these things are. There's nothing your guilt-laden copied and pasted post is going to do about it, and we all know you're not really going to delete any of your friends that don't copy / paste your status message. That's just an idle threat you've thrown in there in hopes to boost the rate at which your bromide is copied and pasted, and what's worse, YOU didn't even add it, you've copied and pasted it.

 Now, for the other problem: sincerity in the promotion of false and intellectually offensive purposes.

 On the other end of the scale, there are people who truly and wholeheartedly believe that Jesus has a Facebook. I assure you, he does not. Don't misunderstand me, I appreciate and respect that you have a religion, and it's an important part of your life, but there comes a point where you simply MUST yield to scientific fact in lieu of superstition. Your god is NOT going to descend to Earth and rapture you on the basis  that you've posted more trite religious crap than the other members of your cult... er... church. Furthermore, the Earth is FAR older than six millenia. It's been proven. People constantly remind me that "evolution is just a theory," but so are heliocentrism and gravity. Furthermore, if that's the basis of your argument, where, prithee, is your concrete, indisputable evidence to the contrary that you so vehemently present as fact? I'm all for a lively debate. I welcome intellectual discourse, but when your side begins to falter, you simply can not retreat to the bible as the apex of your argument. Ironically, it seems an awful lot of staunch, gun-toting, tan-hating, homophobic rednecks do the same. I've not really included them here because while they definitely need to be watched (lest they hurt themselves, or others defending our great country against the invading gay, black, Jewish horde of evil democrats that will ultimately spread the zombie virus throughout the world and remove us from god's love), they also amuse me, and a majority of them aren't literate enough not to have already been lost by this article yet.

 As for those that are ever vigilant in warning us that Facebook has access to all of your status updates, your friends list, and all your information, a wonderful, albeit old and cliched, phrase comes to mind.

 No shit, Sherlock.