Solve For Why

Last year, I did a rather short, yet not necessarily sweet post about X-mas titled Solve For X. If you haven't understood yet, yes, this is a companion piece. Rather than go through the same ridiculous drudgery of yet again trying to explain that it doesn't fucking matter what you wish someone this holiday season, as long as it's well, I think I'll simply offer some food for thought.

"...administering medicine to the dead" and all that.

Do you wish people Merry Christmas? Good. That's very nice of you.
Do wish them a Happy Hannu... channu... chana... festival of lights? Good. That's nice as well.
Do wish them a Happy Kwanzaa? Also nice.
Joyous solstice? Nice.
Fun Saturnalia? Nice.

And guess what? Happy Holidays? Also a very nice thing to wish someone.

I guess the point is: STOP FUCKING WHINING ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE SAY! Seriously, the appropriate response to any sentiment that can be easily interpreted as " I wish pleasantries for you and your family at this time of year, and bear no ill will toward you" is "thank you."

A simple "thank you."

That's all that's required.

Many people see fit to correct you if you wish them the wrong thing. Many want to provide you with an in depth dissertation that tediously meanders through all their reasoning (whether backed up by solid arguments, or not) as to why what they want you to say is the correct form of greeting. I know this is decidedly uncharacteristic of me, but it truly, honestly, absolutely does not matter a single half of an iota what words someone uses to wish you well.

You're missing the point.

The point is that they are wishing you well. They aren't trying to tell you that 2+2= π, they are offering you good tidings. Period.

The proper response is "thank you."

Or "you as well."

Or "same to you."

Hell, even "ditto" is better than some hipster looking askance at you while seething about what you should have said, beard dripping with self-righteous douchebaggery.

This season... and I mean this with all sincerity... this season I truly do wish the best for each and every one of you. Whatever your preferred celebration is titled, I want you to have a good one, or a merry one, or a happy one, or a joyous one, or a pleasant one.

In other words: At this time of year, when many people are celebrating many things, each in their own way, I wish no harm or ill will toward you and yours.

I'm not saying that won't change later, or next year, or next decade. Hell, I might want some of you to take a long walk off a short cliff later, who knows. As for right now, however, and in the foreseeable future, I thank each and every one of you readers from the bottom of my evil, black heart, and I wish you the best. Whatever that best is to you.

You're welcome.

Solve for X

You know what? I'm about tired of these super-Christians telling me to "put the Christ back in Christmas." Enough is enough. I understand you're devout, fine. I get that you believe some magical man fathered himself, and created everything in a matter of 6 days, fine. I want to hit you in the face with a damned brick because respect that for whatever reason, you disregard science, and chose to instead believe that the earth is merely a few thousand years old, fine, but stop trying to shove your religion up my ass down my throat. I'm tired of it. I don't believe in your ghost, and whether you choose to acknowledge and respect, as I do, that there are myriad people out there with just as many belief systems or not is your own business. Have fun with it. As for me, I'm not putting the Christ back in Christmas. I'm not even completely secularizing it and wishing people "happy holidays." No. I'm taking it one step further. Merry X-Mas. Solve for X. If it's Christmas to you, then Merry Christmas. If it's Hanukkah, Merry Hanukkah. If it's Kwanzaa, Merry Kwanzaa. It can all be covered with the most widely recognized variable in the world... X.
These are probably to a great degree the same lot of people that want to put the Sabbath back in Saturday. Knock it off... that's not where the Anglo-Saxon names of the days came from anyway, and any primary school student knows this. I'll thank you very kindly to stop trying to fuck with my verbiage, and go about your business. Wish people anything you want this holiday season, as long as it's positive, good-natured, and sincere, who gives a bald rat's ass how you say it?

~So sayeth the Mofo.